Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
You're breaking my sexual little heart
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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