Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
my mouth tastes like poor choices
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
