its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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