Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I think I died a long time ago.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
