her vagine was all disorganized.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
