First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Randomize
