Where did you get a picture of my penis
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
