We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
