whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
