sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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