I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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