Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
