Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
