friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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