Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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