so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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