I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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