I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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