I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
