I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
