Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
