I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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