discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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