Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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