and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
