You're so nebulous sometimes
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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