The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
