What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Do vagina's smell?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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