if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
