new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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