Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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