you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
