I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
