I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize