Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
