I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
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