Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
My liver just had a heart attack.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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