Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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