why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
