I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I love you. Go after that dick
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