My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
