We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I am naked and annoyed.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize