Duck Duck Cougar?
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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