If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
