she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
