Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
