Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Randomize
