I smell stomach acid.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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