The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Can you bring me the toilet please
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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