Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
