I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
