just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Quick, to the slutcave!
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
