U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
