i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
