I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
