Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
can u get pink eye on your cock?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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