I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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