i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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