dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize