I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Shame - the story of my life.
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