Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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