and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
