I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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