Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Randomize
