Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
