My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
